Last night we had goat milk bukkake, taunting date cards from Harrison and dead boyfriend cards being played.
Part 2 of a 2 night Bachelor spectacular. Or as it's known in the biz, the night an entire cast is lost to hypothermia. Unless the promos we've been seeing for 6 fucking weeks are lying, all the roses distributed tonight will be BLACK.
8:05 - Montana is looking like a tropical paradise.
8:08 - I won't name names, but there are women in my office that turn space heaters on when it's 90 degrees outside. You want more proof these contestants are actors? Not a single bitch, moan or gripe from a 105 pound girl in Siberia East.
8:15 - That nose ring? It's not a signal to the world that Catherine is available for sexy time at your convenience. It's a symbol of life lived to the fullest. Also, the last two dates have featured DEATH. Foreshadowing???
8:26 - "I might die!" ABC is being very caviler with their teases about this whole situation.
8:36 - Any moment now...
It's a GINGER! I don't EVER want to die!
8:44 - She lived? Damn you ABC. Oh, and while we're here, let's check in a see just how long you have to be exposed to cold water to get hypothermia.
CUT: Sarah, Selma, Daniella
NEXT WEEK: Love. Falling in love. I love you. Being above everyone. Perfection not attained. Manipulation.